the irony in life is twisted , the word irony never ment that much to me until i started highschool , well anyway , heres my life . i have 5 sisters and one brother . my father , was with 3 women , the third onei is my mom , yes is , i wish he wasnt but i dont get any say in that matter , anywho , each of those women he had 2 kids with , my mom and him had 3 which including me , means my father has 7 kids . i dont like my family , blunt i know , but there is nothing in this family that makes me happy . i hate it here , im not your average 14 year old . i hate being around people , [mostly my parents] , i hate everything about myself  sounds dark i know but i have rational reasoning to this . my hair is naturally wavy and frizzy , my teeth have yet to be white , i never had any teeth fall out , all have been extracted by some bimbo who says it wont hurt , didnt hurt physically , im terrified of dentist , its scarred me for life . i refuse to open my mouth to anyone other than my toothbrush . besides my teeth , my “mother” said im banned from cleaning my eyebrows , along with getting anymore piercings , she thinks it wll make her look bad , now that think about it , shes never approved of anything i’ve done . i honestly dont think she ever will . i hate it , i hate how i hate it. i have bags under my eyes , coverd by thick framed converse glasses , not to mention my pitch black eyes , and to top it all off , im freakishly tall . wide boned , lets just say theres nothing small about me besides my compassion for my parents . w being tall comes big feet , i swear sometimes i feel like i was supposed to be a guy , my sarcasm , and body structure . i really hate myself , i would give anything to be pretty , i would giv anything to be normal or atleast look normal , i dont want to be different i just want to be like everyone else  . i wish i could point out the good things in my life but i have trouble with that , oh yeah thats right , there is nothing good in my life besides my best friend ,but also has a black hole side to it , but thats a different story . im here to share my misery w you :]

and the curse words

and the “im tired of not being in control of my life”

DO YOU HONESTLY THINK I CARE AFTER ALL THE SHIT YOU PUT ME THROUGH

i think i just might die.

dont have anything to wear…

does it really matter…

all you care about is how you look and how big my chest is,

you shallow fuck.

and honestly…

i dont want too

after all this shit you’ve told me

and all the pain you caused me

i dont even want to look at you pathetic face

but unfortunately,

my head and my heart

are at a battle and my heart

you guessed it, is winning.

my heart says

stay, you love him and he loves you, you miss him and cant wait to see him

my head says

fuck off, i cant stand you, you lied to me, i don’t need you, you hurt me, i dont want to have anything to do with you

you can only imagine what my mouth is saying…

i can afford to break down

not here

not now

besides,

the damage is done,

and whats done is done.

theres no use asking questions because it already happened and the outcome will never change.

i still love you, like i said i always will.

it happened, its over, were still together so i’ll be just fine.

things will be different, but one thing that will never change, is my love for you.

just when i thought it couldnt get any worse.